Please make everything better..

Everything just really sucks all of the sudden. Honestly, I made Kyler sound so much better than he actually is. He didn't talk to me at all today. And that's what usually happens. We talk for hours one night and then I won't hear from him for a day or two. Sometimes a lot more. And it really sucks. He always does this. I'm tired of it. Why does everything have to be so difficult? Why can't everything be good and stay good? Things got bad at home today.. After mom's boyfriend got home anyways. I hate him, I really do. He honestly makes my life miserable. He acts like I am the worst person in the world and every little thing I do or say has to be a big deal like it's the end of the world. Mom doesn't care that I don't like him. She doesn't care that Abby doesn't like him. Any other mother I've ever heard talk always says "if my kids didn't like the person I was with, I wouldn't be able to stay with them." Why isn't my mom like that? Why can't she put her kids first? She really just doesn't care. I wish I was eighteen already. I'm ready to leave and never come back to this town. And my mom is just making me resent her more and more and when I'm eighteen I'm going to leave. No matter where I have to go or who I have to go with, I'm leaving. And if she's still with her boyfriend, I won't talk to her or see her. She's just pushing me away. If I could leave right now, I wouldn't think twice about it. I really wish I could. This house is like hell. Pure hell. And I'm tired of being here. I just want everything to be better. Obviously that isn't an option for me..

Back to hating my life.

It's my mother. I can be in a good mood and she never failes at putting me back in the worst mood ever. She doesn't care about me, or how freaking depressed I am. She doesn't care that I sit at home alone everyday of my life. Not to mention, ever weekend I'm home alone all day and she doesn't even get home until 12:30 at night. Last night she came home at 10:30 and as soon as she got here she left and went to her friend's house. Then didn't come home until 3 in the morning. She doesn't even care that it bothers me. I mean, I never get to see my own mother, and she doesn't care to spend time with me. She knows that I never talk to anyone, go anywhere, or do anything. But she doesn't care. I ask if I can have a friend come over, and she says no. And I know it's just because she doesn't want them here. God forbid I have a friend over and have a good time. No, she wouldn't want that. I just wish she cared more. It's pathetic, really. I'm so tired of being alone all the freaking time. I hate my life.

It's Just Getting Good.♥

Well, I'm glad to say that life's getting better. I know I haven't blogged in a while and normally when I do blog it's a sad things. But not this time. I think it's safe to say I'm out of one slump I was in for quite some time. But, I have managed to get myself into another slump. But it's a different kind of slump, and better than the last one. Doing homeschooling has limited me from all my "friends." So, I just don't talk to anyone anymore. I hardly even talk to Laiken. And that's not good. She's my best friend. I mean, I basically used to live with her. And now I make up excuses so I don't have to go to her house. Honestly, I don't really understand why. I've just sheltered myself from literally everyone. I never go anywhere or do anything. Hardly even use my phone. I stay up all night by myself because the night is like my day. And I like it better because I'm by myself. So I pretty much wake up at 4 in the evening. And that's my schedule. But, I'm trying to kind of get back to the old me. I've been trying to talk to my old friends more and start associating again. But, things are kind of just getting good. I've been talking to this boy, and he's really sweet. He's really the only person I'll actually talk to and have a full conversation with. If it was anyone else, I'd ignore them. And not reply to their texts or anything. But with him, I wait and hope that he'll text me. And when he does, I get butterflies. ♥ I may be 14, and everyone may think I'm stupid.. But I'm not. Don't say I'm just a kid being immature. I actually find myself very mature for my age. Regardless of what anyone thinks. I mean yes, I am 14 and can be immature. But I really am more mature than most people know. Anyways, I need to think of a name for this boy. Because I wouldn't want anyone to know.. So Kyler sounds good. And I promise, his name really isn't Kyler. But that's what I will refer to him as. Me and him talk about a lot. And we really have a lot in common, and I like that. He's really down to earth and extremely sweet. There's just one bad thing about it all. And I can't say what it is. And really, with that one thing comes another thing. Oh, how I wish I could say what it is. On another topic.. There's a girl I have on my friends on Facebook. She lives about 30 minutes away from me. But me and her just happened to start texting earlier and I have a ton in common with this girl! It's amazing, really. We agree about everything, really. Her name is Stephanie. She does the same online schooling that I do. Which is really amazing considering I don't know anyone else from around here that does ECOT. But, she stays up all night like I do. She doesn't like the high school drama like I don't. We're in the same grade. Her favorite color is purple, and so is mine. And she's just really cool. And that's another person that I talked to and didn't just stop replying to her texts. She's funny and down to earth. So that's another good thing that's been happening to me. I want to meet her really bad. I have a feeling we'd be really good friends, and I think I definitely need more friends. She has the same problem as me to.. She doesn't talk to very many people because she does homeschooling. It's just awesome how much alike we are. Christmas is coming up soon. ♥ I will finally be able to get Jurgen Derek. (My puppy.) And I cannot wait! I also can't wait until I'm 18. (: And I can't tell you about that one either.. Goodbye for now.